When I created the feminine business model, I added a community component to it. I have noticed one of the reasons I have been able to come this far is because of the support of the community.

I have often created communities based on my needs for safety. If I didn’t feel safe in a community, I wouldn’t be able to grow without safety so safety always came before the outer desires for creating bigger things.

When safety held me, I was able to grow in the area I needed to grow in. I am currently itching to create another community. I am not yet on the other side of my cocoon to know what the new community will look like.

I had a difficult relationship with women growing up. Between my narcissistic mother and two of my sisters; one being really smart and the other one pretty, I was excluded by both of them. I made their behaviour mean that I was neither pretty nor smart. I wasn’t good enough.

This pattern continued to repeat itself in my life. I would attract women who would devalue me until I had to break the relationship and create some boundaries.

In some ways, intellectually, I was able to shift these beliefs, but somatically not so much. Whenever somebody was prettier or smarter, I would hide and feel shame and didn’t feel belonged. 

I had an experience of not feeling good enough in my counselor’s office recently. I left home without my jacket and realized on my way to her office that it is quite cold. We have been having beautiful weather in BC, and I didn’t expect it to be so cold suddenly.

We started our regular appointment and I looked around her office for a blanket as I was freezing. She is always fully present with me and asked me what was I looking at.

I said I was really cold. I was just wondering if she had a blanket laying around somewhere. She picked up a blanket from behind her chair and offered it to me. I took it reluctantly.

The blanket was a soft grey, really clean, and looked brand new. It smelt clean. I got really quiet. She looked at me and asked me what happened.

I was looking at her. Her hair is straight and blond; the colour of my sister’s hair(she dyes them)  She is very pretty, slim, and young looking just like my sister. 

Subconsciously, I got transported back to another time. I always tried to please my sisters and gave them things, even spent money on them to gain their approval.

Now here is somebody who kind of looks like my sister and she just gave me her brand new clean blanket because I am cold.  

My counselor is also really smart and well put together just like my sister. And she is actually being nice to me and not mean. My attachment trauma got really triggered.

I am really uncomfortable. She looked at me puzzled and asked me again, what was going on with me. My body is doing different movements somatically. I am not feeling good enough.

I finally tell her that I am very uncomfortable that she gave me her blanket. I told her I don’t feel worthy at all.

She smiled and said she feels really happy to give me her blanket. It made me very angry. I didn’t tell her that. I just kept looking at her. We spent the rest of our appointment with my discomfort around it. 

My counselor said at the end that it was an improvement from my previous work with her. I didn’t actually sit in the corner like I normally do when I feel shame because I need to hide.

She is right, but I am quite uncomfortable the rest of the drive home and even after I got home. 

I am analyzing what happened and I got a call from my local gym. I had my name on the waiting list for an Indian aerobic dance class. They had a spot open up. I decided to try it.

There is something so magical about dancing and movement, and that too to my native music surrounded by women of all colours and nationalities. 

There is one woman in hijab, a lot of Asian women, a white woman, and a few brown women too.

I am thinking of my sister when she came to visit me from England last time. I took her to a park not very far from our house. She looked around and saw a lot of mixed nationalities as I live close to a mixed neighbourhood. She asked me: ‘Where do white kids go to school?’ And then she goes this isn’t a good neighbourhood (because in good neighbourhoods, there should be a lot of white people)

Her children go to a private school in the UK, which only wealthy white people can afford. She is being racist towards her own people. She has done well, being a daughter of a diplomat(my father) she is sending her children to a private white neighbourhood school. She has made it as a daughter of first-generation immigrant parents. She is not like the rest of us. 

I realized in that dance class that I don’t want or need my sister’s approval. We are very different people and it is ok that she doesn’t like me. Her not liking me made me a different person and we are all happy. 

In our dance class, we all held hands and danced in a circle. Women from all socio-economic backgrounds, different races, and different colours. 

This is what every woman deserves in her life, a circle of women who have her back. None of us is smarter than the other. None of us is prettier than the other. It is patriarchy that has set us up to fight against each other.

I have since had very good relationships with women. I am so grateful for all of them. 

If you are building a business, I would encourage you to surround yourself with women who have your back. 

Here is the photo from my dance class: